Saturday, August 27, 2005
off to thailand... will come back a different person. been destroying myself from the inside... but all thats gonna change. this is the break i've been looking for, not because it is but because it
is.
till then... take care, one and all. dont miss me, even though i'll be missing you. ;p
or so it seems, at 9:17 PM
Sunday, August 21, 2005
will be jetting off to thailand on the 28th august.. tts next sunday =p and i havent even began to pack ugh. army's really really busy now... even though NDP has finally concluded, there's so much shit just piling at the door... many inspections (safety lah etc.etc.) many regimental duties, and then there's FATEP coming in october (basically more chiongsuaing and draining)... its like my weekends are getting shorter and shorter... maybe cos i'm just more tired as the weeks go by. i need a break... and not the kind of break that involves going overseas for two weeks, which i admit, will probably be a good break... but the kind of break that lets me stay at home for more than just one day, or one and a half days. because for the first time... i feel homesick.
thats right. homesick. i think its something that our CO will never understand, that our S1/S3 will never be able to see. changing our stay out nights to nights out only, cutting short our nights off by half an hour... why do we even have to be back in camp on sunday night?! why cant we start work like every other normal person on monday mornings. the retarded things we do in army for the sake of 'regimentation' and 'safety' (i.e. 11pm lights out so that we can have 7 hours of sleep... so that they're fucking ass is covered) we're supposed to be 'adults' and 'men' now... so why aren't we given freedom like one. *vents* its not like im preparing for war or something. seriously, the SAF is only for show... if it came to a real fight, we'd be crushed in less than a day, i have no doubt about that. our systems are 1. outdated 2. outofshape 3. unreliable. yes thats the truth about our army. we know how to look good, but did you know that before the NDP parade, where all our systems look so nice and funky, that they've been put through extensive/intensive repairing/maintening just so that it looks like they can do well in a fight? haha i dunno lah maybe i'm just prejudiced against it all. maybe im prejudiced because the systems im working with are waaaaay outdated (commisioned in 1991... like wow, its been 14 years already, and even then they weren't top of the line... they're american rejects) *vents some more*
okae army venting done :p from once wanting to serve and do my best... i just want to serve and fuck off.
1 year +. and then i'll fuck off.
or so it seems, at 8:55 PM
Thursday, August 18, 2005
i've changed... indeed heh. been kinda deluded i guess, jaded by my own wrongly perceived injustice that has been befalling me. becoming a better person takes much more than just realising your own faults though... and i pray for the strength to do so. and your strength too, for without
you, my friends, i would be no where at all.
when i am down, and oh my soul so weary
when troubles come, and my heart burdened be
then i am still, and wait here in the silence
until you come, and sit awhile with me
you raise me up, so i can stand on mountains
you raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
i am strong, when i am on your shoulders
you raise me up, to more than i can be.
so dont ever leave me :)
or so it seems, at 9:42 PM
Monday, August 15, 2005
army has been occupying my time pretty well lately... the past few weeks have passed in quite a blur. not to mention that i feel as if i'm phasing right now... that is, i feel like i've changed loads. and maybe not in a good way either.. its like all the 'positivity' and idealism has just seeped away... everything's so selective now. i've become a 'fuck off if you cant be bothered' person.. saving my idealism and optimism for people who really care, people whom i know i can trust, people whom i love. and that list, which i used to believe was filled to the brim, has shrunk to the point where perhaps i can count them on my two little hands. but those ten fingers are more than enough for me, and YOU, YOU and YOU rock my world =) thats all that matters anyway. and its taken me 19 years to realise that... but better late than never huh?
i used to think that i was living in darkness... but maybe i've been living in too much light, and all the darkness i was fighting was just in my mind, and the excessive light has just been draining me, for the more i try the more i get burned, and i've been burned so bad, the light just screaming my skin away. but now i accept the dark reality of this world.. and things can only get better from here. okae what a load of crap haha. sometimes i just dont know what im talking about anymore.
any old how! will be zipping off to thailand for two weeks soon... better start preparing everything, especially so doing research on uni apps.. i need to get out of singapore, somehow this desire has just grown on me over the weeks. my previous longing to stay here has just faded and morphed into this overwhelming need to get out of singapore, to get away from all the pretentions and superficialialities. (im making up words as i go) not saying that it'd be better elsewhere, infact it could probably very well be worse. but i just need something new, something fresh. for life here has just gotten stale.
change of topic.
my major sin... buying cds. but i just love music. and for the moment, james blunt.
your'e beautiful your'e beautiful
your'e beautiful its true
i saw your face in a crowded place
and i dont know what to do
cause i'll never be with you
your'e beautiful your'e beautiful
your'e beautiful its true
there must be an angel with a smile on her face
when she thought that i should be with you
but its a time to face the truth
i will never be with you.
i will never be with you.
or so it seems, at 12:51 AM
Friday, August 12, 2005
'A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. '
story of my life. i think all i'll ever be good for is a good friend, a shoulder to cry on a shoulder to beat, but never one to cosy up against.
haha okae lah not so melodramatic... its funny actually =)
finally a long fast week is coming to a close! long because its been tiring, but fast because we've been doing so much stuff. mainly out of camp stuff, which rocks =) but today took mc... first time i've ever had 'the shits' i think, and it sucks! woke up all night to use the toilet... ugh i wonder what it was i ate that caused this. better not be the damn food at marina, which really sucks. trust army to give its men food which doesnt taste nice on alternate days (which i happen to be going on) and kfc/pizza hut on the other days (which i dont go for) ARGH!. haha. marina is quite happening though... better than i thought it would be, and attendance much much higher than i expected. which makes us slightly busy i guess, but at least some ppl are entertaining to see. haha like ziyi! and wayne who's on traffic duty, and jon who's on sweeping the road duty (teehee)
any old how... the old lethargy and tiredness is seeping in again... feels real silly, but its like everytime i just fall back into the hole, and my fresh start seems to have well, become stale.
there's really nothing much more i can say about it now. life is stale.
or so it seems, at 11:28 PM
Monday, August 08, 2005
*yawn* a good end to a good day! =)
back home watching band of brothers now... i really love this show (like most war shows hee)
i wonder what it is i really like about war shows... maybe its the brotherhood, maybe its the heroism, maybe its the harsh truth about human nature, maybe its the sentimental parts... its just the whole drama of it all. it really makes me feel. =)
anyhow! haha oompa loompa oompa loompa! they are soooooo cute and funny hahaha. especially their song and dance teeehee =) i have sooo many movies to catch... but charlie and the choc factory was definately worth my time *big grin*
oh well... long tiring week ahead, following the long tiring week past... heh. cant wait for the weekend though... should be a good week, maybe even quite fast actually. must watch my band of brothers now! will update more later...
or so it seems, at 11:16 PM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
3 names you go by
phua!
josh
joshywashy
3 screen names you've had
amused
quixotik
josh.
3 physical things you like about yourself
erh.. hair?
hands (even if they are damn small)
calves (haha only my calves =p)
3 physical things you don't like about yourself
no washboard tummy :(
eyesight (specs/contacts get real sian during army)
um... poor running stamina =p
3 parts of your heritage
erh. my genes?
maybe my eyes (from my dad.. colourwise haha)
all mom and dad... yet 100% original ;)
3 things that scare you
being alone
death
losing my faith (which helps me cope with the above)
3 of your everyday essentials
phone phone phone
my music (shuffle/cd player)
all of you =)
3 things you are wearing right now
erh.. my specs!
my op shorts!
aura of blogging (haha shrug)
3 of your favourite bands or musical artists
michelle branch!!!
josh groban (my namesake teehee)
hillsongs, without a doubt =)
*special mention for... the north lodge! with the wonderful vocals of leb... drumming of chewie.. strumming of ongjon.. and erh.. pianoing of liz!
3 of your favourite songs
i like too many... but hmm
the blower's daughter - damien rice
angel - robbie williams/sarah machlachlan (both rock)
goodbye to you - michelle branch
3 things you want in a relationship
honesty (the truth never hurts as much as ignorance)
devotion
playfulness :)
2 truths and a lie (go figure.)
i never tell the truth (figure tt one out hehe)
i always tell lies
either way, your'e confused =p
3 things about the preferred sex that appeal to you
careless innocence.. and yet wild haha
playful! must be playful
willingness to cry on my shoulder/whine to me *shrug* =)
3 of your favourite hobbies
sports sports sports!
shop till you drop
hanging out/chilling out/whatever
3 of the things you really want to do badly right now
jump in bed and get rest before guard duty in 7 hours...
to know tt i'm thought of
get out of army
3 careers you have considered
erh... haha pilot! (fighter pilot btw)
policeman
official game tester
im still a kid =p
3 places you want to go on vacation
any place with snow (japan works =) )
any place i havent been before (tts almost everywhere)
anywhere with my friends :)
3 kids' names you like
erh.. lucia?
any name tt begins with J! =)
alexandra's funky
3 things you want to do before you die
find true love
rediscover my life
find friends whom i can call close
3 celeb crushes
erps! haha. this is a toughie heh
boa..
scarlett johansson! (she's almost my age, and she's hot stuff. HOT.)
and.. haha which guy hasnt had a crush on jessica alba.
3 people that I would like to see take this quiz
let see... 1, 2, 3, 4.. oops is that too much?
everyone lah =p
TIME FOR BED! army is too happening liao... have too much to say and no energy to say it. hopefully my memory will remain intact so i can pour everything out soon... really. really. tired.
or so it seems, at 12:26 AM
